Spotting the Red Flags of Gaslighting Behaviour

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation often seen in abusive relationships, where the abuser manipulates the victim into questioning their own perceptions, memory, and judgement. This form of psychological abuse is designed to destabilise the victim, leading them to doubt their reality. Although commonly occurring in romantic relationships, gaslighting can also take place in familial and friendship dynamics.

It’s often a gradual process, making it difficult to spot at first. Over time, however, the victim may begin to feel isolated, confused, and lose confidence and self-esteem. Recognising the red flags early can help prevent the devastating effects of gaslighting.

Am I Being Gaslit by My Partner?

Gaslighting can make you feel as though you’re second-guessing yourself and your memories, leaving you uncertain about whether your perceptions are valid. If you are experiencing any of the following signs, you may be a victim of gaslighting:

Signs of Gaslighting Behaviour

1. They Lie Frequently
   Gaslighters often lie compulsively. For example, they may deny things they’ve said or done, leaving you questioning your memory and perception. You may hear phrases like “You’re making this up” or “That never happened,” causing doubt in your mind.
2. They Use What You Love Against You
   If you’re passionate about something, such as your job or children, they may criticise or belittle it. For instance, they might say you’re a bad parent or criticise your career to undermine your confidence.
3. Discrediting You
   A gaslighter may spread rumours about you, labelling you as “crazy” or mentally unstable. This can further isolate you and discredit your version of events.
4. They Lovebomb You
   Gaslighters use lovebombing to manipulate their victims—tearing them down emotionally, only to build them up again to make them feel loved and desired, creating an emotional rollercoaster.
5. They Confuse You
   By denying their actions, rewriting history, or shifting blame, the abuser creates confusion and forces you to question your reality, making it harder to trust yourself.
6. They Minimise Your Thoughts and Feelings
   Gaslighters may dismiss your feelings by saying things like, “It’s not that big of a deal” or “You’re overreacting.” But remember, if their behaviour is affecting you negatively, your feelings are valid.
7. Projecting Their Behaviour
   If the gaslighter is a liar or cheater, they may accuse you of the same behaviour to deflect attention away from their own wrongdoings.
8. Isolating the Victim
   Gaslighters often isolate their victims by calling others “liars” or “crazy,” cutting you off from friends and family to gain control over your thoughts and actions.

How Do I Know If I’m Being Gaslit?

If you’re in an abusive relationship, here are some signs that you may be a victim of gaslighting:

• You constantly question your judgement and perceptions.
• You feel disappointed in yourself.
• You often feel alone and powerless.
• You experience frequent confusion.
• You suffer from anxiety or a sense of impending doom.
• You struggle to make decisions because you don’t trust yourself.
• You second-guess your thoughts and actions.
• You feel inadequate and as though you’re never good enough.
• You apologise excessively, even when it’s unnecessary.

Reaching Out for Help

If you believe you are being gaslit by a partner, friend, or family member, help is available.

If you live in South Tyneside, you can contact us in confidence on 0191 535 7043 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm) or email us at options@impactfs.co.uk for support.

You can also call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline 24 hours a day, for free and in confidence:

• 0808 2000 247 (Women only)
• 0808 8010327 (Men only)

The sooner the red flags of gaslighting are spotted, the sooner victims can get the help they deserve.